Mommy

I wanna crawl into Mommy’s arms and cry
– cry ‘cause you’re gone,
cry ‘cause we’re not gonna be the same again.
Not without you.
Not today. Not someday. Not in a thousand Wednesday nights –

but Mommy needs my arms
and Daddy keeps standing still
– in darkness. in silence.
his face turned towards the world
that you inhabit now –

and Mommy needs me to be the grown-up
so she can be the helpless child;
so I can’t be weak. so I can’t cry.

 

“Help me. Help me, Mommy! Make it all go away!
Tell me, Mommy, tell me it’s only a bad dream!”
“No, Mommy needs you  to be silent!
This is her pain, not yours”, the inner voice is telling me.

so I hold back my tears for the days when no one’s watching,
when Mommy is not around to hear
‘cause I need to be strong.
“Be strong!”, is all they say.
“Mommy needs you tough. Daddy needs you silent.”

so  they all made me look strong against my own will.
– and my pain turned into a prisoner, caged in the dark corners of my soul –
“Help me, Mommy! I am not strong. All I need is your embrace!”, the prisoner is yelling
on the inside.

but Mommy doesn’t listen. and Daddy doesn’t see.
For them, I ought to look so strong
– strong on the outside, while my soul is paralyzed.

 

“Please, help me, Mommy!”
But Mommy cannot see. And Daddy cannot hear.
They left when you left
and all I hear now is my own silent cry.