Sometimes when I watch a movie and even more frequently when I read a book, I can feel the characters’ internal struggles for days and days – especially if they are going through complicated times, due to mental health issues. I feel haunted, in a way, like my soul is starting to be inhabited by feelings which are not completely mine, but which are so damn familiar.
One such example is Aftersun by the brilliant Charlotte Wells – a splendid yet very painful movie to watch, especially if you’ve been dealing with depression yourself. A lesson in storytelling, with characters which, to me, are very evocative of Murakami’s.
Sophie: I think it’s nice that we share the same sky.
Calum: What you mean?
Sophie: Well, like… Sometimes at playtime, I look up at the sky and if I can see the Sun then… I think that the fact that we can both see the Sun, so even though we’re not actually in the same place and we’re not actually together… we kind of are in a way, you know? Like we’re both underneath the same sky, so… kind of together.
I will not write a long text about Aftersun. This is a movie to be experienced rather than be told about. I’m just gonna say this: 24 hours later, I am still very much thinking of it, still discovering clues and meanings I must have missed yesterday. I was prepared to become emotional by its final scene – I think that the whole viewership of this movie was prepared to be emotionally damaged by the time they left the cinema.
Watching Aftersun is like witnessing a hurricane and knowing there is nothing to stop it from wrecking everything in its way.
Instead of talking about Charlotte Wells’ masterpiece, I will just include something that I wrote in the middle of the night, just hours after seeing it. What I know for sure is that this isn’t the last time (no pun intended) I will be speaking about Aftersun. Or think about it.
Head above the water
but only an inch or two
you keep the brokenness in sight
only after you make sure the door is locked
and you swear to yourself
that it’s neatly tight in
composed
suitable enough
in the eye of an innocent
you can only stare yourself in the eye
in broken reflections spread around dark corners
too afraid to admit
the decisions is already sealed off
and you wake up
one step in front of the other
put on the human suit again
act like you’re still inside the vessel
you call body
promise that one more day is all you need
to begin feeling whole again
you try to force life back in
whilst the darkness of the ocean
sings you the sweetest of tunes
one day
and then another
and yet one more…
but love was never enough
to stop you from slipping
soon there will be no more sun
not out of will
but out of chemical imbalance
and all you’ll be left with
is the After
Alta's World 