I’ve always loved words.
Words gave me clarity.
Words made me feel like I truly existed.
Words helped me process whatever I was going through.
But words were something I took for granted.
It came a time when I lost my words.
I could no longer find the right ones to encompass my entire universe.
And that almost destroyed me.
This is an attempt at reclaiming my words.
I’ve been gone from this place for a couple of years. The truth is, I could not find the words to keep telling my stories. To describe what I was going through. When the Pandemic came, I did whatever the rest of the world was doing – work, work, work and spend time on social media. I’ve read a lot of fantasy, too. A lot of new writers I fell in love with.
But mentally, I was in a place where it was very difficult to make sense of what I was. I am still working on it. It is a path. A journey through which I seek to discover what Clarity is. To find my Purpose. To head into the right Direction.
As I was looking through nine years of thoughts, I realized how far I’ve come to. I did not realize until now that Alta’s World was the one place I could be opened about depression. About grief. About loss.
I’ve decided not to delete anything, even though some of the texts are cheesy. Others are very dark. Others are clumsily written. Many have that naivete that only a young adult that has not dealt with real life could possess. I thought I could change the world. I was afraid of becoming a dull 9 to 5 sort of adult. Of running again and again in a hamster wheel.
There must have been some clarity under all that innocence. Perhaps the real me was trying hard to tell me to follow my path. But as it happens, a wave can sometimes hit you, and carry you into a completely different direction.
Now, a few words about Alta’s World
I consider this blog a digital journal. A place where I can speak about what I love, what makes me suffer, what brings me joy. About the things I do, about the thoughts that cross my mind – even the dark ones that I am constantly battle with.
Sometimes thoughts float around my mind structured as poems.
Sometimes there are unknown characters that haunt me for days that I can only get rid of by putting them on the page.
I will sometimes write in Romanian; I will also write in English. It is not my native language, so I am fully aware of my imperfect style, but this is the language I get to use the least and the one I love the most. It is like a melody that perfectly describes the nuances of your soul.
The sole purpose of this place is for me to have a platform where I can keep track of my journey through this complicated world. Not here for the analytics, or the clicks, or the likes.
If you are here, if you have taken the time to browse through these thoughts,
welcome and thank you!
Alta's World 