“ANGRY. EMPTY. CONFUSED. There will come a day when I won’t feel it every minute and the anger won’t be so hot, and the other feelings will fade and I’ll be left with only love. I can love you and still let you go. So…I love you and I let you go. I’m gonna miss you and I hope that wherever you go next you’ll feel peace, you’ll feel safe. Wherever you go next, I hope you know that I love you”, Clay Jensen to Hannah Baker.
My dearest, there are days when I don’t think of you anymore. Most of the days, I don’t feel your presence, like I used to. I don’t meet you in my dreams anymore. I am starting to listens to some songs without bursting into tears now. I turned the emptiness into anger and then the anger started turning into love.
But I miss you.
EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.
Perhaps I won’t be able to look at your pictures for a very long time. And I somehow feel like I’m letting you go. I’m trying to hold you back for as long as I can, but you just vanish into thin air and it’s getting harder and harder and harder to reconnect with you.
“Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart”, Murakami would say. But I’d rather be torn apart than feel like I’m letting you go.
I guess I just… wish I could turn back times, to the good old days – there were days I didn’t appreciate enough. How foolish, how blind, how young I was!
My dear,
I never told you this, but I love you. I love you, SO I CAN’T LET YOU GO. I may be selfish, but I ask you not to go. Don’t turn your back on me again.
To say that I miss you would be an understatement.
Alta's World 